Wednesday, January 20, 2010


My amazing soul sister!!!! i love her so much. I'm so grateful for all she has been through and done to help Taylee and me! i love you sis!

I have been blessed to have god help me through all of this past stuff. I wanted to write down a few things so I could ALWAYS remember them!!!

So I have thee most amazing family in the world. They have helped me so much, especially my sister Katie. Some people say that she and I are "SOUL SISTERS". I am so grateful to have her in my life. I always look up to her, she is an amazing mom. She has always helped me with Taylee. Taylee is so blessed to have like a million moms. Katie has seriously strengthened my testamony so much....

There has been numerous occasions that Katie has felt uplifted to call me and I am sobbing in need of desperate help. This one time, Brett went out with his friends and he told me he would come back at midnight. Well 2 am rolled around and brett was no where to be seen. I was done with this, I had a baby that was having a hard night, and he promised me he would grow up once the baby came. I got done on my knees, I prayed to god, I begged him to help me know if I should leave Brett. Help me to not feel so alone. help me to know that I could raise Taylee without his help. About 30 seconds later my door bell rang. It was Katie and Calvin. They had a feeling to come check on me in the middle of the night. God answered my prayers. I knew what I had to do. I realized then that Brett was only bringing me down in every single aspect of my life. It is so amazing that within 30 seconds of my prayer My sister answered my prayers.

Another time, We were living at my parents at the time, Katie had had a lot of times in the middle of the nigiht when she is sleeping had a feeling to call me. She wakes up and calls me. Well one night Brett was out all night, it was 4 am by now. I was so sick I was barfing and driving around trying to find him (this is when i was pregant) I knew that katie was going to have the feeling to call me. just then less then a minute later, surprisingly katie called me! she helped me realize I needed to go home. and it's not worth it. i needed to get rest. she helped me realize so many things.

Again, When Taylee was around 2-4 months old, I was laying in my bed all alone. I was sad that I was alone, I was use to someone next to me. We had a police night a few nights before when Brett pulled out a knife on me and hit himself and lied to the police so they almost sent me to jail. I woke up one night with a huge nightmare. I thought Brett was going to come and kill Taylee and I. I was sobbing in my bed. Just then........... KATIE CALLED! she was totally dead asleep and had a feeling to call me! she called my parents and had them talk to me. They helped me after an hour of crying to them I tried to lay in bed. Terrifie my dream would come true. I felt weak. I felt alone. I felt like I needed god. I prayed to god. I asked him to help me. I asked him to come to sleep with me. I needed him. I couldn't handle this much longer. Just then........ I closed my eyes. I felt a warm hand on me. It comforted me within a second. It stayed by me all night. From that day on i say, "It was worth it! ... I GOT TO CUDDLE WITH GOD!" Seriously is was so amazing. God knew how much I needed him and he was there. He listened to me.

God works is so many ways. He is always there for anyone if you let him in. He can be your best friend. When no body else will be there for you. Remember god will always be there. I am so grateful that even when I was so dumb and kept getting minipulated and going back to Brett that he would answer my prayers day after day. I finially realized I didn't want to see myself, my baby , or a family member die to know that I needed to get a divorce. I left him for Taylee. I wanted her to know what love was. I want her to grow up and find an amazing man and say my mommy was such a great example for me.

(I'm writing everything down about brett because yesterday when i went to court I realized how much i was shaking and I just wanted to puke. the lady told me I need to go to counsiling. I think this might help to forgive and forget to write it out. hopefully... i dont always want to have it in my head. I want to move on with my life)


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