Friday, January 22, 2010

Ty's 1st blessing

I'm trying to battle myself and I dont even know how to do it. Despite all the heart ache thats in my body after seeing Brett on Tuesday, I am so grateful for Tyler.

The past 2 or 3 days Taylee has been very sick. She won't let me put her down. She wants me to hold her. She wants every skin molecule touching me. She doesn't want me to leave her when shes asleep. So i've been living on the couch. I felt that it would be good if she got a blessing. Who better then Tyler? ... he just barley got the priesthood on Sunday and I already needed it. He gave Taylee an amazing blessing. I was so happy that he could help Taylee. It felt so warm and comforting when He did it. I have a huge testamony of priesthood blessings. Taylee feels a hundred times better after receiving a blessing. I have a different respect for Tyler now that he can bless Taylee with those blessings. I am so grateful to have him in my life. He is always listening to me and helping. I love him so much! thanks TY TY:D

Scary Dream

Ever since I saw Brett at court I've been feeling like everything is happening to me again. It's almost like mentally and physically repeat. I am not trying to dwell on it though. I think if I dont get over it, it will keep coming back.
When I saw him look at me and tell me that he loves me I wanted to freak out. It made me sick even thinking he would say that to me after everything he has done to me.
Last night Tyler asked me if maybe Tay could sleepover at his house sometimes so I could sleep in and not worry about her. He asked if Brett ever took her. I told him about the only 1 time that Brett took her over night. He wouldn't let me pick take he home after hanging out with my friends. He insisted that she slept with him. All night I was worrying about Taylee. I didnt' know if she was crying or if she was hungry or if Brett would just ignore her. I called him a million times and he just ignored me. 11 AM the next morning rolled around I finally went to his home after waiting for him to answer the phone. His room was a million degrees hot. Taylee's face was red. She had not had a bottle or any type of food. She was getting fussy. Brett wouldn't let me leave with her unless I slept with him. I kept refusing. I knew if I didn't then I would never be able to bring Taylee out of the home and he would make a police scene that would make me look really bad. (or at least i thought so because he minipulated me so much) ...... so i was again, forced into doing things I didn't want to. Then I hurried up and left. I needed to make sure Taylee as okay from not eating in such a long time. I hate him. I hate how I still feel sick when People ask me everyday stuff and the feelings come back of being so hurt. I hate it. I need them to go away.
Last night I went to sleep, I had a horrible dream that I was stuck with Brett. He was hurting me and forcing me to do things I didn't want to do. I was in so much pain. I was just stuck. I didn't know what to do. I was so confused. All I wanted was to be away from him forever and keep Taylee away so shes always safe.
I told Tyler about this dream, he's mad I would ever had to feel this way. He told me that Brett no longer is controlling me. He told me when I have a bad thought I need to replace it with a good thought. I know I need to try it. I just think that it's real life. It really happened to me. No matter how hard I try to forget about it, it still hurts that somebody would treat me that way and be fine with it. I hate Brett so bad. I need to forgive him. Bishop told me I need to forget about stuff and forgive myself. I know that the savior will forgive the way we forgive. I don't know how to forgive him. The pain he put me through is tremendous. It hurts me. I hate having horrible dreams at night that I can't control.

I seriously need to go to counseling or something. I need it out of my head. It's dragging me down. I hate that a normal 18 year old girl would never even know how this feels. Can't I just be a normal 18 yr old?????

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


My amazing soul sister!!!! i love her so much. I'm so grateful for all she has been through and done to help Taylee and me! i love you sis!

I have been blessed to have god help me through all of this past stuff. I wanted to write down a few things so I could ALWAYS remember them!!!

So I have thee most amazing family in the world. They have helped me so much, especially my sister Katie. Some people say that she and I are "SOUL SISTERS". I am so grateful to have her in my life. I always look up to her, she is an amazing mom. She has always helped me with Taylee. Taylee is so blessed to have like a million moms. Katie has seriously strengthened my testamony so much....

There has been numerous occasions that Katie has felt uplifted to call me and I am sobbing in need of desperate help. This one time, Brett went out with his friends and he told me he would come back at midnight. Well 2 am rolled around and brett was no where to be seen. I was done with this, I had a baby that was having a hard night, and he promised me he would grow up once the baby came. I got done on my knees, I prayed to god, I begged him to help me know if I should leave Brett. Help me to not feel so alone. help me to know that I could raise Taylee without his help. About 30 seconds later my door bell rang. It was Katie and Calvin. They had a feeling to come check on me in the middle of the night. God answered my prayers. I knew what I had to do. I realized then that Brett was only bringing me down in every single aspect of my life. It is so amazing that within 30 seconds of my prayer My sister answered my prayers.

Another time, We were living at my parents at the time, Katie had had a lot of times in the middle of the nigiht when she is sleeping had a feeling to call me. She wakes up and calls me. Well one night Brett was out all night, it was 4 am by now. I was so sick I was barfing and driving around trying to find him (this is when i was pregant) I knew that katie was going to have the feeling to call me. just then less then a minute later, surprisingly katie called me! she helped me realize I needed to go home. and it's not worth it. i needed to get rest. she helped me realize so many things.

Again, When Taylee was around 2-4 months old, I was laying in my bed all alone. I was sad that I was alone, I was use to someone next to me. We had a police night a few nights before when Brett pulled out a knife on me and hit himself and lied to the police so they almost sent me to jail. I woke up one night with a huge nightmare. I thought Brett was going to come and kill Taylee and I. I was sobbing in my bed. Just then........... KATIE CALLED! she was totally dead asleep and had a feeling to call me! she called my parents and had them talk to me. They helped me after an hour of crying to them I tried to lay in bed. Terrifie my dream would come true. I felt weak. I felt alone. I felt like I needed god. I prayed to god. I asked him to help me. I asked him to come to sleep with me. I needed him. I couldn't handle this much longer. Just then........ I closed my eyes. I felt a warm hand on me. It comforted me within a second. It stayed by me all night. From that day on i say, "It was worth it! ... I GOT TO CUDDLE WITH GOD!" Seriously is was so amazing. God knew how much I needed him and he was there. He listened to me.

God works is so many ways. He is always there for anyone if you let him in. He can be your best friend. When no body else will be there for you. Remember god will always be there. I am so grateful that even when I was so dumb and kept getting minipulated and going back to Brett that he would answer my prayers day after day. I finially realized I didn't want to see myself, my baby , or a family member die to know that I needed to get a divorce. I left him for Taylee. I wanted her to know what love was. I want her to grow up and find an amazing man and say my mommy was such a great example for me.

(I'm writing everything down about brett because yesterday when i went to court I realized how much i was shaking and I just wanted to puke. the lady told me I need to go to counsiling. I think this might help to forgive and forget to write it out. hopefully... i dont always want to have it in my head. I want to move on with my life)

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Bretts sentencing

Taylee has a bruise by the botton of her right eye. you can't see it to well because it was 4 days later. this was when brett punched her.

This was my dad right after it happened. before he had stitches.

This is my dad 4 days after it happened. On the 2nd and 3rd day it was horrible. it looked 2 times better and more swollen then now.

This is just another picture. I also had bruses on my arm. When Brett was tring to get tay in the car he had my in the head lock and was putting pressue on the left side of my body. so the left side of my body was sore for weeks after. I feel horrible for my dad. even his knee and every other part of his body is hurt. he suffers from a bad concussion.
below is the story of sept 29, 2009.

Alright, so today was Brett's sentencing. Here is just a blimpse of our background.

I got pregnant when I was only 15 years old. I was scared to be a single mom. He made me feel like I was worthless and nobody would ever want me. I felt alone, stuck, and miserable. We got married and less then 1 day into it I knew we were not meant to be together. But I wanted to try and see for Taylee. (the first night we were married he held me down and made me do stuff with him and I would cry and cry and cry, he hurt me so bad, he never cared about me, he only cared to pleasure himself) After the first night everytime it happened it was the same. I thought it might be normal. But after talking to my family I realized that it was wrong and it's actually considered rape.

Besides that, Brett loved to play ball and leave in the middle of the night. Only 3 days after we were married he started leaving all the time. He would stay out until 5:0o AM or longer. sometimes he would stay out all night and all day without calling me. and said, "My phone was dead." "I was playing video games with Kevin(even though I wen to his moms home and he was nowhere to be found." Brett would tell me that he needed his own space. Especially since I was pregnant an dmy hormones were everywhere. I could understand that. He promised me, "Once the baby is born I will step up and never ever never ever leave again and I will always be there for you and Taylee." I decided to believe him. I thought he would change after I had our sweet princess. I thought she would change and he would actually grow up. After countless nights of driving around trying to find him. Calling him millions of times wondering if I was going to have this baby being a single mom, it got old. It hurt me.

Brett was not so great at finishing High school and getting a job. He would much rather sit at home all day long and play x box. He just thought everybody would "HOOK HIM UP" He had a few jobs. He only held them for a month or so. I think that if a guy doesn't care to get a job and be a man, he is pretty much worthless. You can't support a family without a job. Unless you want to live in a homeless shelter for the rest of your life. It's just not right.

Brett loved to text and myspace lots of girls. I think it was about 15 girls that he was flirting with. I have no idea how many he actually kissed or slept with. I know after we even caught him he dind't want to admit it. That was hard for me, especially since I was pregnant. I only ever know about everybodies marriages that are so good. Then all the sudden I feel like this ugly fat pregnant girl who's husband is cheating on with 15 other girls......... and they were seriously not the cutest! I felt so low!

Brett never helped me at the hospital after Taylee was born, I had a C-section. I coudln't move at all. Taylee had many poopie diapers and I would cry to him. I was ask him to please help me. He said,"Call the nurse, thats what they are for." All he cared about was eating and sleeping. He only bought Subway for himself. He never let me get any food. He ate all my hospital food. After five days I was seriously starving. I actually had to tell him to leave and go work and try to make money. He was wasting his time. He was not helping me. He took the hospital baby being born as his vacation. As far as I'm concerned, The hospital is when the guy steps up the most. Especially when the girl has a C-section! (Pretty much he is lazy and justs wants to relax or play)
Taylee was only 6 weeks old when she cried and cried one night for 6 hours plus. (she is seriosly the best baby, she never ever cried, she was tough) so one night shes crying for six hours. I'm still recovering from my C-section. I was seriously dead tired. I couldn't even keep my eyes open to take care of her. I asked Brett, "Please help, i'm seriously on survival mode." He was playing x box and he dind't care to be bothered. Then Brett decided a few hours later that he would go to sleep and enjoy himself. meanwhile i'm taking care of a screaming baby who really wont sleep. I called my Brother in law crying. I asked him to give her a blessing over the phone. I had no more patience. I was so mad at Brett. I coudln't get my sweet baby to stop crying. I looked at Taylee and told her, "Please STOP crying." ....... Calvin advised me to take her to the emergency room. I told Brett I was going. He didn't care, he went to sleep. So here I am. On a cold winter icy middle of the night. Driving to the hospital. I called Brett crying, I said, I feel bad that I told taylee to stop crying. I'm such a mean mom. i felt horrible. Brett told me evrything is okay just go to the hospital. So Brett is at home all warm and cozy in his bed sleeping like a little princess. I'm driving to the hospital with a screaming baby, a C-section where I shouldn't even be carring the car seat by myself. The hospital (st Marks) discovered her heart rate was very fast, unusually fast, they told me to drive to Primary childrens. I didn't know how to get there. I tried to find my way. As everybody knows the road to get up to Primary is SO STEEP! I was driving a car that was only a week old. in the snow. I was SCREAMING AND PRAYING TO GOD TO HELP ME DRIVE SAFE UP THIS ROAD. I finially made it to the hospital and I was sobbing when I walked in, it was so hard to carry taylee with the car seat with all my stitches. They took x rays of her. and around 8 Am they sent her home. On the way home I was exhausted. My sister Katie was execting me to drive home get my clothes and come to her home and sleep all day while she watched taylee. (Brett never answered his phone at the hospital when I would call, nor did he call to make sure his daughter was okay) I got home, Brett was suppose to be gone to work, I thought "ok ill hurry in and get my stuff then go to katies. Now suddenly out walks Brett, Just waking up from a peaceful nights sleep. I locked my car door and got out. He told me he wanted to see his baby. I told him, "No you dont deserve to see her, You dont even care enough to come to the hospital , let alone call and make sure she is okay." He said Let me see my baby now. . I said no let me get in the car and leave, he said no really. I slapped his face and told him to grow up. He said, "IF YOU DONT LET ME SEE HER I WILL CALL THE POLICE RIGHT NOW AND MAKE A HUGE STORY UP AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE YOU ABUSED HER, SHE WILL BE GONE FROM YOU FOREVER. " I was seriously terrified. He has now minipulated me, telling me that taylee will be gone forever. He knows how to get everybody on his side. Taylee was my most important thing. she was my soul. I had to listen to him so he woudln't do that to me. He made me go into the apartment and stay there. (he took the next 2 weeks off, he told his boss that his baby was sick and he was at the hospital all night) ......... this just shows me how crazy he is. I can't believe he actually minipulated me so much I had to listen to his every command. It makes me sick. He is so sick and wrong.

Brett is thee most minipulative person I have ever met! He could meet someone off the street and 2 weeks later have them fall for him. Even though he has so many bad things .... he can "put on a show" This worried me..... becasue........ when it's time to go to court.... is he going to put on a face and make the judge fall for him, let him loose???

On Sept. 29th Brett wanted to see Taylee. He had not seen her for a few weeks. He found out I had a boyfriend (tyler) and Tyler was helping me put taylee to sleep becasue she had a rough night. Brett got very angry. He didn't want another guy taking his spot. But really, Taylee deserves a guy that will always be there. not a dad that will pick and choose when to be there(exactly like brett) I told him when we were getting divorced that he needs to realize that another man will be in my life sometime and he will be there for taylee always and he can't get jealous. So after brett hears there is another "dad" in taylee's life. he tells me that he will find tyler and kill him. I immediately called the police and made a report. I had to let Brett see taylee because he was allowed 9 hours a week from the court. I told my dad what had happened. Once Brett walked into the door he was looking at his phone he was acting like he is the coolest hottest shit in the world. My dad told him, "There will be no more threats, if there are, you will no longer be allowed into my home." Brett got very mad. he got into my dads face. He told him that he can come here whenever he wants, Taylee is his daughter and pretty much that he ownes her. So I was standing next to my dad. (taylee was in my arms) I told brett that he needed to leave. He was being disrespectful to my dad and it's my dads home. thats not allowed just then he tried to force taylee out of my arms. I wouldnt' let him. then he finally squeezed her so hard she started screaming. I told my dad to try and get taylee out of his arms. My dad reached to grab taylee and Brett started punching my dad. Brett had Taylee in his right arm he was using her as a total body shield. Brett threw taylee all over the place so much that I had to bring her to the hospital to make sure she didn't have shaken baby syndrom. I thought my daughter was going to be dead after that moment. My dad couldn't defend himself because he didn't want Taylee getting hurt. He would never hurt his grand daughter. even if it meant getting the crap beat out of him until he passes out. which happened. Brett punched my dad 3- 5 times. My dads eyes were bleeding. My dad got very daised. Brett Ran outside with Taylee screamin in his arms. He still kept swining her. He acted as if she was his possession like a baby doll. he was not treating her like a human. by now she was screaming on top of her lungs. she kept looking at me, "Her eyes were telling me to help her. That she trusted me and she always has only ever trusted me, they told me I was her support, I was her everything, and mommy please dont let him hurt me or take me away anymore. I felt hopeless. Brett is so tall and when he has anger he gets really strong. My poor baby was screaming and I didn't know what to do about it. I tried and tried to grab her. Brett wouldn't let her go. I starting telling god I needed help and I coudlnt' do this alone. Brett was just about to unlock his car and put taylee in the front seat (WITHOUT A CAR SEAT) and drive away. When Brett is angry he drives like a crazy person. I was seriously thinking if I want to save my daughters life right this moment I need gods help, Just then a lady drove by . she had a few kids in the car. I cried to her. I begged her to help me. I told her he was going to kidnap my baby and hurt her. She got out of the car. He handed Taylee to her, she quickly gave Taylee to me and drove away. By now my dad came out and told me not to worry, that the cops would be here soon. This really made brett mad. So Brett decided to start another fight with my dad. Brett said,"whats wrong can't you fight? Aren't you a man?" Brett was jumping up and down getting tons of energy, my dad was still out of it from getting punched so many times. Brett grabbed my dad and beat him to the ground. My dad passed out. His eyes were rolling behind his head. The blood was dripping from his eyes. He was huffing and puffing trying to keep himself alive. His shirt was bloody and untucked. his glasses were broken. He was literally on the verge of dying. As Brett started kicking his head with his size 17 feet. He kicked his stomach and head a bunch of times. OVer and over. (dad has blood clots, this was literally hard on his body). I was like frozen in one spot. I had Taylee in one arm, and my father dying infront on me and I needed to get taylee away so he woudn't take her. But I didnt' want my dad to die. So i Literally started to yelling for neighbors to help. all the neighbors ran out and pulled Brett off my dad. I ran into and gave taylee to my mom. I needed to calm myself down. I called my brother in law- calvin. I told him that dad is dead. he needs helps. it was a miracle that calvin actually answered his phone. he will never answer his phone unless you leave him a voice mail. haha. so he had a feeling to answer the phone. he rushed over to help my dad on the grass outside. I called Tyler, I was panicing, Tyler came over asap. He waited until the cops arrested Brett to come in. If Brett were not locked up and would have hurt ty to. The ambulance came over and helped my dad and my dad went to the hopital. They checked taylee and I . They said it would be best to admit taylee to the hopital. we did. we brought her to a hospital and they admitted her to primary childrens. we did x rays on her and lucky nothing was to hurt. just a little brused. I saw my dad at the hospital within an hour his head seriosuly looked like 500 pounds. it was so huge!!!I was so sick when I saw my dad I just started sobbing. I felt like it was all my fault. Brett was taken to jail and 2 hours later they took him out. the jails were to full. probaly of stupid people with driving tickets.

now it's 5-6 months later. Brett was sentenced today. we thought He would only get maybe 10 - 30 days in jail . and we hoped he would get a long probation time. Brett got up and said sorry me my father and I . he cried and of course tried to minipulate us. He should actually be honest if he's saying sorry. dont say sorry just to try to get yourself out of jail. So after brett talked my dad went up and said a lot. he said that brett gets bailed out of everything and he needs to learn his lesson and actually take responsibility in his life. So, while my dad was up there, brett kept looking at me and saying sorry and crying and telling me that he loved me. I just ignored him. I dont like how crazy he is. I was getting emotional becase how can he hurt my family so much and now it's affecting him when he is going to start serving jail time? so, i went up, I told my judge and brett that i'm scared always, i'm scred to leave my home everyday. I always have to watch my back. I am scared he will rape taylee. (when I said that, Brett started laughing, ((IF he was really a good guy, he would feel horrible somebody would say that, not start laughing)) So Then I told the judge that i get nightmares all the time and I always have to be extra careful so he never takes her from me. I told him that he has never taken the responsibility of paying the professional child supervisor place so he would see taylee and have a relationship with her. Then Brett gets up and he starts taking so much smack. he went back and forth on his words he kept lying about the sept 29th situation. He was like "blowing up" the judge saw how he went from sad saying sorry to saying how everything was my dads fault. so the judge DOUBLED HIS TIME IN JAIL! BRETT GETS 180 DAYS IN JAIL AND 3 YEARS OF PROBATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLUS AROUND 2,00$ IN FEES. I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW AMAZING THAT WAS! I was more then happy! It shows you how using your minipulative personality to a judge doens't fly by.

I was so sick today I had a officer escort me into the court house. I was shaking and I felt like i was going to puke. I was so proud that I got up infront of Brett and told the judge what I felt like. I feel like I conquered my fear! Especially becasue I felt like I was a mouth for taylee today. I was standing up for my daughter.

It was hilarious I subbed for dance today. when I got home, my parents were celebrating without our neighbors. They had rootbeer floats and pie. hahaa. i am so grateful for my dad. and so happy that brett is spending time that he deserves in jail!!!

By the way, I wrote this in my blog becasue I want to always remember what happened. If i ever have any questions I can always look back on this. Also if other people read this, if they are in an abusive relatinship then they need to get out, they dont even want it to hurt there family this much!
There was a million billion other things he did, that was just some of it.


Tyler is seriously amazing! He is a huge special part of Taylee and my life! Tyler was driving, he told me this dream that he had. Seriously the cutest dream ever!!!...

ok so for some reason him and I were not together. Which meant Taylee was not around him. He just kept thinking ," Where is Taylee. I need her in my life. I miss Taylee. Where is she?" He didn't care so much about where I was. He just really needed Taylee in his life. Is that not the sweetest dream you can ever imagine!!!???!!!??? When I heard that, my heart melted. He is seriously so sweet to Taylee.

Another cute thing, On Saturday Tyler and I were just relaxing around the home. He decided he wanted to blow dry and straighten my hair. So i let him, he did such a cute, silly job. My hair looked like a rats nest. But it was cute that he tried. I tried to teach him how to blow dry it. He got pretty board of that. I also tried to show him how to use the straightner, He kept saying, "I think it's strait." (it was not strait at all) LOL! He is seriously the most amazing guy ever!!! I am so lucky to have him!!!

On Friday night we got to go to Chijis (without Taylee) yay:D. We had a blast with eachother. Tyler has some hilarious impressions of me. he is totally adorable!

Sunday, January 17, 2010


Today was a special day for both Tyler and me!

Tyler was ordained the Melchizedek Priesthood. His father gave him the blessing. It was so special. I was so happy I could be there to share that with him. We are both excited that now he can give blessings with ever it's needed. It's amazing how much the priesthood is a comfort. I am seriously so blessed to have such an amazing man in my life! I think Tyler has seen it all from watching my dad be assulted to changing all of Taylee's poopie diapers. (I know, thats a real man right there :D)

During the blessing I was lucky that Jennie was there to watch Tay so I could actually be apart of it. (Jenni you are seriously amazing!)... when Tyler was getting the blessing I could feel a warm bright glow come upon him. It was very comforting to me. I am happy he can start exercising the priesthood and grow to be even stronger. I am so grateful that Tyler could be ordained today! ....... especially because....

I have had lots of ups and downs with my repentence process. The temple is very important in my life. It's been around 2-3 years since I've been able to go into a temple. It has been hard on me. I know how important temples are. I want to have that foundation for me as a person to grow and especially to raise Taylee on. I have had many amazing spiritual experiences (ill talk about later) but I have felt ready to go into the temple for awhile.

Bishop and I fasted last week. He told me to make sure I go to the temple grounds and think about everything while I fasted. I did, it was a great fast, I was lucky to have Tyler come with me and watch Taylee while I paid attention to the feeling of the spirit and kept my mind on the savior. I prayed to god that day. I asked him to forgive me for everything, I asked him to help me feel that I've been forgiven and have strength. After I said that Prayer I got off my knees and I had a rush of "warm Comfort" come upon my body. It was a great feeling. Today (Sunday) I met with my Bishop. I told him everything that had happened. He wanted me to knee down on the floor with him and pray. We prayed, it was the most overwhelming comforting feeling ever. I coudln't help but cry because of happiness. He told me I have been forgiven. I can't even explain how much joy I felt. All I could do is cry. It was the most humble, happy, grateful cry. Then he told me that I can meet with him next time and get my baptism reccomend. I almost jumped off my chair for joy. I felt like a little 5 year old that was seeing all the Princess' for the first time or something. It was an unforgetable experience. (I wrote it, because I always want to remember and cherish it). I am so grateful for the atonement in my life. I am so happy that Jesus suffered for all of our sins and made it so we can return to him again. I am so grateful for the temple and the amazing feeling it brings to you. I can't wait until I can walk into those temple doors. (PRETTY SOON!!!) yay!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't describe how excited I am!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have wanted this for so long. It finally happened. I can't say how excited I am enough. The coolest thing was, when my bishop told me that I have been forgiven... I felt all the weight come off my shoulders. I felt like I was the old "JESSI" again. awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
YIKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!HORRAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can't believe that going through such a tough road makes you realize just how important the church is. Especially how significant the temples and sacrement is. I am so grateful for JESUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIM SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Without him, I would seriously be lost!


You know you’re a mom when:
~you can no longer wear black, for fear of massive spit up marks

~you sing “Dora Dora Dora the Explorer” in the shower.

~play dates have taken over your life!

~you sing to the Elmo CD that has playing over and over again

~you can’t wait to hug your own kids after you see something troubling on the news.

~you use your finger to wipe the face of your child's nose and it's not gross to you anymore!

~your baby is sick down your front. It misses your t-shirt and trickles down your chest and you are actually happy - because now it saves you having to rake around trying to find anything remotely keen to wear.

~you reach into your pocket and pull out a crayon, a matchbox car and a dirty sock.

~you have no issues sniffing another person’s butt for a poopie diaper.

~you think yourself is lucky to get out of the house without visible a spit up stain

~a night on the town means taking the kids out past 6 pm.

~a packet of crisps (chips), and a chocolate bar is considered a hearty breakfast.

~you count the days until your next girl’s night.~

~your purse contains packages of Pepperage farm goldfish, a juice box, assorted wrappers and a binky

~you give up your cool car for a minivan, and within a few weeks, you really start to like the van, and use phrases like “It’s just so convenient.” And you really mean it. (That was for you Steph Ross!)

~you ask where “the potty” is.. …you’d rather listen to your 6 year old’s music than your own.

~when you walk into another room in your house to get something and by the time you get there you forget what you were going to get.

Rules of Marriage... by kids

described by kids


-You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff.. Like, if you like
Sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips
And dip coming.
Alan, age 10

-No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry.
God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
Kristen, age 10


-Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
Camille, age 10


-You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
Derrick, age 8


-Both don't want any more kids.
Lori, age 8


-Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other.
Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough.
Lynnette, age 8

- On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets
Them interested enough to go for a second date.
Martin, age 10


-When they're rich.
Pam, age 7

-The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
Curt, age 7

-The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them
And have kids with them. It's the right thing to do!
Howard, age 8


-It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to
Clean up after them.
Anita, age 9 (bless you child )


- There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
Kevin, age 8


-Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a dump truck.
Ricky, age 10

Friday, January 15, 2010

Grateful for Taylee

I know that the post before this one probaly sounded rude. but Its not rude. I was just being real. sometimes its hard to be a young mom. I also have to say that The last week I have been reading this girls blog. Her 4 month old baby died. As I read the blog for hours I cried. I felt horrible. I can't imagine a day without my Taylee. Even though some days can be hard I am so grateful she is in my life. She has a sweet spirit. Everybody in my family said, since the day she was born, she has had a different vibe. She has made our family better" I am so grateful I get to wake up to my Taylee. I am so grateful I get to change her diapers and she is healthy. I am grateful I feed her every Hour I swear. I am so grateful I can take naps with her. I am happy I can read to her and teach her. I am happy I can laugh and cry with her. I am happy she has chosen me and her mommy. She is seriously an amazing daughter. I am so blessed to be her mother. I am grateful for all the joys she brings. I am grateful she loves Tyler. I am so happy she is alive and healthy. I wish that she gets the best. I wish she will grow up and follow her heart. I am seriously blessed. I can't imagine being without her. I dont know how anybody could go a day without her in there life. She is such a doll.

Today she gave me big hugs and kisses. We played under the blanket. She thought it was the coolest thing ever. She kept laughing.

Today Jenni tried to teach her to swing her hips and dance. Taylee danced with Jennie and me. It was so much Fun. She seriously lights up this home! I am so grateful god gave her to me!!! i love you princess!

Thinking back.... ROUGH ROAD!!!

So today I have been thinking back on how life use to be before I had a child. Being a mom can seriously be so hard. (even though it's the best thing ever) its tough! Sometimes I feel like I can never get out of the home becasue Taylee is sleeping, or sometimes I feel like I need to sleep, when tay's awake! I never realized how it would seriously change my life the moment I saw my pregnancy test was positive.

From the moment I saw my pregnancy test my life changed dramatically. I was on Dance Co. at Hunter High. (the most amazing experience ever!) Dance Company was filled with amazing people and to dance and perform was such a life changing experience. The day After I found out I was pregnant I had early morning practices. I suddenly had no energy to even move at dance class let alone perform during practices. Every day after dance I rushed home and ran into the bathroom and puked. Luckily I managed to make it in perfect timing. I had no energy to go to school. I slept all day long. I slept, ate, puked, slept, ate , puked. I seriously felt like an alien.

Somtimes I wonder how it would be to go into a store without having to plan it around time nap, lunch, taking the baby in and out of the car seat. Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to wake up and go to Dance practices early in the morning. Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to go on a date with Tyler and not have to worry about having a babysitter. I wonder how it would feel to have a sleepover with girls and sleep in until noon the next day. I wonder how it would feel to have my old body (with no stretch marks back). I sometimes wonder how it would feel to sit in high school and have my teacher yell at me because I'm texting. Sometimes I wonder how it would feel to have my parents buy me cute outfits. I wonder how it would be go to on vacations with dance company and be "CRAZY JESSI again". .. it feels like I'm not usually as crazy as I use to be. I guess you could say being a mom does that to you. I wonder how it would feel to go to dance camps and dance my heart out until I die. I wonder how it would be to cheat in my classes and laugh because the teacher never caught me

I don't regret having a baby. I just need to vent sometimes. I feel like I have missed out a lot on my "youth". I took advantage and wished to grow up.

Now instead of doing all those fun youthful things I...
* Have late nights with a crying baby
* Buy clothes for Taylee instead of myself
* Went to Young parent (which was a great experience)....... it was just not the same as high school. I tell my little sister sometimes. ... stop complaining. you should be happy your on a dance team.
*Had to barf every hour when I was pregnant, then got big and fat, lots of stretch marks.
*Buckle a baby in and out of the car seat when going even just down the street.
*Have a childs life that relys all on me. I have to teach her whats right . The gospel. To be a good friend. (no boys in her life ever. hahahahahah)
*Change million of diapers a day
*Support her fincially
*Did I mention loss of sleep?
*Did I mention I can't dance anymore?
*Did I mention I can't stay up all night with girls?.... sometimes it bugs me because lots of my friends want me to hang out, They worry about the clothes they should wear. There life is seriously so EASY! They stay up all night and sleep all day. I have to tell them, no I can't sleepover, I have to be a mommy the next day, in order for me to be a good mommy I need my sleep. Girls sometimes just dont get it! (no matter how much i love all of them, it's hard because there life is so hard and after I see them I usually just want to brake down. )
Pretty much sometimes I think I have gone through hell and back with all the mood swings of being pregnant, and having a crazy baby daddy sperm doner.

Sometimes I want Brett to know that I did everything. I can't believe he did everything that he did to my dad. My dad was only ever nice to him. He actually made my dad loose around ten thousand stupid dollars. ewe. he bugs me.

This is dance company after our concert ( I was about 7 weeks pregnant) I had already lost all of my strength. Jenni told me I looked like i was going to pass out on stage. sad..... i love dance so much. I love taylee to. sometimes its' just hard to look back.

This is dance co on our california trip. we had a blas in disneyland. This is right before we saw wicked.

hahaha. this is me, alex, and tracie in morning practice. PRICELESS. 6:00 AM and acting like crazy girls!

This is Alyssa and Me. This is the day after I found out I was pregnant. We had a blast at this assembly. We rolled up in tape and rolled all around the floor on lots of candy. the whole school was watching us. it was seriously hilarious.

Alyssa, me, and stephanie right before performing hip-hop at a basketball game.

Jo and Me. Right before we performed.

Me in my crazy dance outfit . I have some amazing memories from dance I will always remember.
Pretty much ........ I just want to say that It can seriously be so hard to be a teen mom! Your life is dramatically changed in nine months. You can't even go back. I Sometimes miss the one days. It's fun to see Jen Jen go through it. I will be excited to watch her dance and finish out the life I never got to finish.
I love being a mommy. I love taylee with all my heart. I have had a rough road. I want all the people out there to know that being a young mom is not always fun and games. It can be tough!!! Katie says that having a babies for like the first 18 months or something just wears your body out. I am seriously ALWAYS TIRED!!! Sometiimes i just want to sleep and sleep until I wake up. not when taylee wants me to wake up. anyways........
i love you baby princess.

Thursday, January 14, 2010


Tyler and I have been getting into puzzles a lot lately. First we tried a 500 piece arches puzzle. After 6 hours of putting it together, it was done! Can I just say that he has lots of patience! I was done after the first hour. But I did it, and i even got to put the last piece in it! hahaha sucker!

These are wild crazy puzzles. It takes a very smart person to do them. haha JK. Tyler was not so great at these. I was rocking at these ones! It's okay though he's better at other puzzles! haha. We had a blast!
I <3>

Ballerina Blessing Girl

Taylee's Blessing Ballerina Dress,
From the day Taylee was born I dreamed she would wear a white Tu Tu with a dancer leotard under it. Let me just tell you, it was not easy finding someone to make a baby leotard. Luckily I knew some people that could do it. I was so happy to put her in it!
She had an amazing blessing, her Grandpa Case blessed her. He did a wonderful job at it. She is seriously amazing. She had her first smile during the blessing. It was when my dad said something about me:D She is so precious!

4 Generation Picture

I was happy Grandma Berling could share this amazing day with us!

Weight loss:D

Okay, So my amazing brother Calvin has helped me out so much over the past few months. I had lots of baby weight I had to loose. He put me on a health plan. He called it a "Game" I liked that because he didn't seem so hard. It made me want to conquer the game. I Ate healthy and worked out. After about 2 1/2 months I had lost 17 lbs of body fat and 11 inches. I feel a million times better. It was hilarious becase Calvin said, Focus on yourself. As soon as you loose your weight you will probaly find a great guy and life will go up hill. and......... he was right! I lost 17 lbs and a week later I found Tyler! I am so lucky to have such an amazing brother to help me! I need to keep it up, when you eat healthy you have so much energy! Everything goes a million times better!

This is me after! :D
I feel a million times happier and more confident!
(Taken in December)

This is me before. In June on my graduation
( I dont have lots of pics of me, because I didn't like the way I looked )

October Fun 2009

The Case Family can really get crazy sometimes! We always have a blast! Especially us Girls!!!:D
The day before Halloween we decided it would be fun to dress up like 80's crazy. Katie was thinking thats lame because she didn't have any of those clothes. ... The thing is........ thats all I ever use to wear in Jr. High. So All my room was covered with these clothes! We had a blast getting dressed! As you can tell there are tons of Pictures!!!:D

A few weeks before Lila was due!
Katie and Taylee!:D

Ha ha Sorry Katie. I think your face looks beautiful. I didn't know what our faces looked like until after I downloaded the pics. Here is my model sister Katie! lol

Jen Jen and Tay Tay at I HOP

Kalli and I. She's the cutest little dancer ever.

Tyler, Tay, and I. I had to bed Tyler to put the Green on. It was funny! He fits right in.... doesn't he?:D

Of course Jenni and I had to take this picture. She looks like a KAT woman. hehehe

Taylee has a crazy mommy I know.

Ha ha Katie, lovely face. Lila has an amazing pregnang belly!

The love of my life!
Tyler, Kalli and I .......... CHEESE!

I thought this is thee cutest natural shot ever! Of course Lila is thee prettiest Pregnant woman ever!

Taylee had a blast Trick-Or-Treating
She got to go with her cousins-Braxton, Kalli, and Kyler.
Grandpa and Grandma were happy she went, they got lots of yummy candy!


Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Christmas 2009

Tyler and I, I think we are pretty much the cutest couple ever. hahaha :D

Taylee Absolutely Adores this Four-Wheeler! She knew she approved of the gift when she would Yell AHHHHHHH! It was totally fun to have her be the spot light of Christmas this year! It wouldn't have been the same without her! Thank you God for such a Precious Daughter!

I got my daddy a huge basket of junk food. I think he loved it because it was all gone within a week!:D........... maybe the grandchildren had some.... OOPS!

Jenni and I got the same matching "dance" pants. We are pretty much obsessed. This is all we ever wear. It's so comfy! AND HELLO THEY ARE CUTE! hehehe. Thanks mom. I will keep them until the day I die. hahaha

Grandma and Grandpa got Taylee this dolly set. She is always playing with the Stroller! She loves it a lot! Thanks Gma & Gpa your the best!

We had the best Christmas anyone could ask for! Tyler said, "I'm done with Parties for awhile." Thats such a Tyler thing to say! I was begging for more! hahaha JK

New Things

Taylee has been saying some things...


*Da Da Da


*Jen Jen

*Night Night

*MaMa (sometimes)

She is getting so big! I am so proud of My Taylee Jae!


As you can tell Taylee is a whole lot bigger! She is so tall and skinny! She has the cutest personality ever. I dont think anybody has ever met such a young girl with Spunk, character, sassiness, and dramatic all together it Makes Our Special Taylee! She has learned so much in the past year! She also loves lots of stuff....

*Sitting up
*Joking with Jenni
*She loves to play with Kalli they are "Sisters" as kalli would say
*She loves to be wrestled by Tyler
*Rock on her rocking horse
*Ride her 4-Wheeler ... Standing up!
*Eat A huge bowl of Raspberries
*Dig into Chocolate
*Eat Jenni, Katies, and Kalli's food
*Dance to music. even my ringtone.
*Loves anything ... BLING BLING...(Yes she gets that from her mother)
*Loves to talk to cell phones
*Loves to wear her pretty pink boots
*Doesn't love Tu Tu's so much. But She still wears them. thanks to me!:D
*Loves going on walks
*Walking around in the hot tub
(She always tries to play with my boobs. hahahahaha it's hilarious. bless her heart)
*Loves wearning jewerly
*Acting like a mommy to all her dolls
*loves pushing strollers
*Loves running away from me when i'm trying to get her
*Loves getting ancy at church
*Loves being around other babies
*Loves cuddling
*Loves playing with all of daycare kids
(Taylee seriously acts like she is 5 years old sometimes!)
*Loves climing up stuff
*Loves hitting Jenni's face for funny
(Then Jenni got a bloody nose so hitting for funny is a "No No")
*Loves wearning P.js. (Like her mommy)
*Loves Kisses and Hugs
*Cuddles in the morning when she wakes up
*Gets super excited when Kalli and Kyler come over
*Loves her new niece Savanna (gets a little jealous sometimes)
*Loves her Grandpa more then words can describe
*Loves to point to Jesus on the Jesus Statue
*Loves Playing in Play lands
*Loves getting stuck in the Mc D play lame ( they have a lame playland) ha
*Loves playing with the phone in grandma/grandpas room. (especially leavning it off the Hook)
*Loves going down lots of stairs
*Loves Playing kitchen in gma's preschool
*Loves to hold 3 binkis at a time (yes i know she should be done with binkis, shes OBSESSED)
*Loves when Jenni comes home... she follows her around the house all night
*Loves playing with Hudson (Jenn and James Dog)..... especially when he doens't knock her over
*Loves walking through the hall at Jame's home. (It echos)
*Loves books
*And so much more!
As you can see..... she has done tons over the past year!!!:D
So Proud of my baby princess!

Taylee has grown so much in the last year. Her favorite things when she was a newborn was
*Fuzzy Blankets
*Mommys Milk
*Lights on the Christmas Tree
*Stretching soooooo big
*Going to Jenni's dance concerts
(I think she's born a dancer, when I was pregnant I danced a lot with dance company. Now she loves watching Jenni dance. She ALWAYS dances, even when she hears my phone ring she dances to the ringtone! how adorable, I know!)
*Warm baths
*Snuggled in her carseat
*Bows on her Head

*Snuggling tight in her blanket
*Naps with Mommy
*Watching everybody smile